![]() ![]() The big centerpiece midgame boss is a pile of rocks feels more like landscape gardening than monster hunting at that point.Ĭombat's probably still the worst part of Metroid Prime's core experience against anything but the tiny party favor enemies that die in one hit, the basic shot feels about as impactful as blowing kisses, but the charge shot feels like it takes so long in the heat of the moment, I'm worried I should've offered my gun an epidural first. Maybe the original developers were hoping their 3D visuals would blow our socks off so hard, we'd be too busy recovering to notice that there's a poor showing for Metroid's characteristic giant gribbly monster boss fights, especially early on two of the boss fights in the first area of the game are just "deactivate a machine while getting harassed by wasps". Anyway, she pops down to the planet to finish off the survivors and finds it to be a lonely, atmospheric world full of hostile lifeforms that has some ruins, a lava world, an ice world, and a tech base, and then she clicks her heels together with glee, because that's her favorite kind of planet.Īnd so, another odyssey of exploration, equipment gathering, and introducing big, squelchy monsters to the interiors of their own chest cavities ensues, although not so much of the last thing. So, plot is, space bounty hunter Samus Aran finds a space pirate vessel parked on a red line, and her attempt to put a ticket on the windscreen ends with her shooting everyone and crash-landing on a planet, which, as an attempt at de-escalation by law enforcement, is about an above-average result. But good thing I didn't, because this remaster's given it a stimulating injection of relevance. Tee hee hee! I'm surprised I've never retro reviewed Metroid Prime it's a, for want of a better word, prime candidate for one, since it was one of the few games I played the shit out of in the pre-game critic poverty phase of my life, and its studio even has the word "retro" in the name. So everyone's happy we'll call this new release " Metroid Prime", and the original GameCube version can be Metroid Subprime. But the remaster does have the option to switch back to the original one-stick controls, if you've just accidentally felt up your boss in a crowded lift and now have a deranged grudge against your own wrists. The remastered version thankfully adds the ability to use one analog stick for moving and one for aiming, rather than the original setup, where you only had one stick, and if you ever needed to do anything more complex than lock on to a dude and bunny-hop around them, then your hands would both spontaneously snap off. No, really, it is just a visual spruce-up fuck you.Īlright, fine, they fixed the controls, but what was that? One morning's work? You see, the original game existed in the earliest days of console FPSes, when there were very few established best practices for such things, so Retro Studios gritted their teeth, took the bull by the horns, and completely fucked it up. "It's more than that! They completely redid the textures, models, and animations!" And then we held eye contact for a few seconds, as I waited to see if they were going to actually parse the words that they had uttered. ![]() "How dare ye?!", cried the Nintendo fans. You know, I caught some shit a few weeks back for a podcast in which I called Metroid Prime Remastered basically just a visual improvement. ![]() Metroid Prime was recently remastered for Switch and finally rescued from the graveyard of classic games only playable on consoles from four generations ago, that only venture from dusty attics when a birthday present is required for the nephew of a massive cheapskate. And, of course, the year Metroid Prime came out on the GameCube, the first fully 3D game in Nintendo's classic moody sci-fi franchise, so-called because it was about a Metroid that was only divisible by itself and one one ass-kicking space lady, that is, in a suit of armor that appears around her body by magic, which is just as well, 'cos she's got a gun for an arm, and that'd make it really hard to tie up her shoelaces. the death of Joseph Luns, fifth secretary general of NATO thanks, Wikipedia. This week in Zero Punctuation, Yahtzee reviews Metroid Prime Remastered.Īh, 2002: the new millennium's still fresh, Sam Raimi's Spider-Man didn't suck yet, uh. ![]()
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